What It's Really Like Being a Coach's Wife and Hockey Mom: A Behind-the-Scenes Perspective

Childhood memories

As a child, my brother played hockey, and I have many memories of the rink. Our mother, raising us alone, would take us to games by bus or accept rides from kind families. My brother was an excellent player and a quiet kid, which encouraged others to help us. I loved going to the games and cheering for him, I also loved the freedom of running around with no coat playing tag with other siblings.

I was a total rink rat; everyone knew my name, and I knew the regulars to chat with in exchange for quarters to buy things from the snack bar and the gumball machines. I still enjoy the smell and flavor of popcorn at the hockey rink and know exactly what rinks have the best fries in town.

During our childhood, we devoted endless hours to playing road hockey, transforming the pavement into our ice rink and the street into our arena. I frequently took on the role of goalie, my brother and his buddies would strap me up with all the gear and fired pucks at me. The excitement of guarding the net was thrilling, even though it sometimes resulted in bruises and stitches. These are among my most vivid childhood memories.

I began my own family and wed a man who has a passion for hockey

Fast forward many years later I am now married and have 2 boys. When our son was around 4-5 years old, my husband mentioned he was taking him to a hockey tryout. I expressed that I really didn't want to get involved in the hockey scene, as being a hockey mom was never part of my plans. When I met my husband, he was a rugby player, so I didn't consider hockey a priority for us. We were raising our son in the same community where my husband grew up, right across the street from the hockey arena. My husband became interested and quietly arranged the hockey tryout. A tryout required a volunteer coach, and our son didn't make the team, but they told my husband if he coached the last group of kids that didn't make it and formed a team, all the kids could play. And the rest is history.

And so, it began

A few years later, both boys were playing hockey and attending a school renowned for its hockey and sports, the same school where my husband studied and played hockey.

And so, it began

All of a sudden, my husband started coaching a team, my son was buying all the gear, weekends were filling up, and the house was lively at 6 a.m. on Saturdays, leaving me puzzled about what was going on. On Sunday nights, there were usually 10-15 smelly, sweaty little boys running around my house with shoes scattered everywhere while the dads drank beer and discussed hockey.

Our schedules rapidly became very overwhelming. Our calendars transformed into a mosaic of practices, games, tournaments, and numerous group messages. For any hockey mom or coach's wife, staying organized is crucial for survival! If someone asks you to do something during hockey season, the answer is straightforward: no. Sorry, we have hockey commitments, and sometimes we have games at two different places at different times on several nights of the week. It's a significant commitment.

Weekends are typically packed with games, while weekdays are occupied by practices that require precise planning. For example, managing a week with three practices and two game days leaves hardly any room for flexibility. It's like we're part of a carefully orchestrated dance around the rink. At the moment, we have one son participating in school hockey and AA hockey, and my husband is coaching both of those teams as well as another team of older boys. My husband operates a hockey school and is deeply involved in hockey in every possible way. You're starting to see the picture of what's happening here, madness!!!! Hockey, hockey, and more hockey. And then when they get home, we discuss when there will be more hockey, then we watch NHL hockey, wake up the next day to watch the highlights, and then head back out for more hockey.

The Insane Expense

Then there’s the cost. Hockey is not just a game; it's a financial commitment that can feel endless. On average, a family might spend between $3,000 and $10,000 per child each season, covering expenses such as equipment, travel, and snacks for those endless tournaments. Add in new jerseys, buses, hotels, fundraising, hosting parent events and meetings, birthday parties, a new stick, replacing a blade, a new helmet, and then they grow, requiring you to purchase everything all over again. It is quite expensive.

However, here's the twist: the costs are often overshadowed by the priceless moments we experience as a family. Watching our boys compete on the ice, form unique friendships, and showcase their developing skills keeps us coming back. Even if our wallets feel lighter, the laughter in the stands, the team bonding over pizza, and the shared victories create timeless memories. Our older son stopped playing hockey in his final year of high school, but our youngest, now 14, absolutely loves it. Seeing his joy, commitment, dedication and passion makes it all worthwhile, and we understand it won't last forever, so we cherish it for as long as possible.

The Wild Parent Factor

Ah, the parents. The fervent parents—each with their own views on plays, coaching methods, and referees. Maneuvering through the intricate dynamics of parental interactions can feel like being swept up in a whirlwind! The behind-the-scenes antics of parents are the aspect I dislike the most. This hockey environment brings out some spirited behavior from adults and parents. The side conversations and calls to explore how their child can advance without the current team knowing, the "birthday skates," the gossip, the betrayal, and the frenzy of the parent who believes their child is destined for "the show." Their dream is now being lived out vicariously through their child who just wants to play hockey and enjoy themselves. I have observed some very questionable actions, watching parents I thought were good people do the most disgraceful things just to have an extra A on their jerseys or play in a higher division, even if it clearly isn't the best thing for their child and player. You can learn a lot being the coach's wife, sometimes it's an advantage, sometimes it makes you lose faith in humanity.

The bright side

Through hockey and the community, I have had the privilege of meeting some incredibly kind, caring, and amazing individuals, both parents and children. We've experienced some wonderful weekends away, as well as some less enjoyable ones. Many people dedicate their time at every game to ensure the sport remains safe, fair, and a competitive, fun experience. There are truly remarkable parents who consistently support their children week after week, month after month, year after year. These dedicated individuals invest their time, money, and love into hockey. It's heartwarming to see families and the community unite to give back, ensuring that the best interests of the kids and the love of the game prevail.

My husband is one of those individuals. Even though he works in the hockey field, he is always the first to volunteer to assist, join the kids on the bus, or lead a practice or tryout.

Assistance from the Community

Each player and team typically build a small hockey community.

• Families share rides to practices and games.

• They support one another during difficult times.

• They organize meal chains for those facing challenges, like recovering from illness.

  
  

For instance, my sons team recently organized a food drive for a community pantry to assist families in need. This effort benefited our community while teaching the boys about kindness and raising awareness of food insecurity, among other lessons.

Discovering the joy

Despite the exhaustion and occasional wild parent saga, the joy that hockey brings is profound. Those pivotal moments—the thrill when our boys score their first goal, the celebratory high-fives after a win, or simply enjoying the camaraderie of being part of a team—define our lives.

We observe them as they learn about perseverance and teamwork. For instance, after losing a difficult match, it's heartwarming to see how they support each other and commit to improving. This helps the boys learn to handle real-life challenges, such as not always getting what they want, and teaches them to work hard and never give up. We hope these experiences will equip them with skills for adulthood, allowing them to build relationships, overcome obstacles, and celebrate successes.

Spending time together and finding the silver lining

Being both the coach's wife and a hockey mom fosters a special connection within our family. Amidst the chaos of practices, games, and team events, we build memories that fortify our family bonds. We learn to make sacrifices for one another and prioritize each other, collaborating to manage everything. Even when I sometimes wonder how we accomplish it all, we do, and in many ways, this experience helps us appreciate and respect each other.

Weekend road trips to away games turn into mini adventures. We pack the car with all our gear, favorite snacks, pillows, and blankets. We often recall stories like "remember that time we went to that tournament and....." Each year, our family and our son's team travel to Montreal, coinciding with my husband's birthday, a tradition that includes shopping, dining, and celebration. It's an event we look forward to every year. Rather than opting for sunny and hot vacations, we explore our province, embracing what the boys enjoy doing.

Whenever we have a break from hockey, we go to our family cottage. As you might have guessed, we create hockey rinks on the lake during winter, allowing us to play and discuss hockey even more!

Cottage Rink

Amid the hustle of hockey life, let's pause to appreciate what we've gained. The long drives, hectic nights, and moments of laughter and tears all contribute to a remarkable journey.

Hockey instills resilience and leadership in our kids, emphasizing the value of pursuing shared goals. We hope these skills will echo throughout their lives, helping them forge friendships and face future challenges with confidence.

Hockey is the bond that holds our family together, shaping our routines and keeping the boys fit and focused. It allows us to spend time with them, meet their friends, and be part of their social circle. My husband and I have formed lifelong friendships through hockey. Our home is filled with hockey equipment, and we regularly invest in new gear. Every Christmas, we receive hockey-themed gifts. As the only female, I've learned to embrace my role as a hockey mom and wife, cherishing these moments because one day it will end, and we'll need to find new ways to connect.

Taking shots at sunset

As they put on their skates and glide onto the ice, we cheer them on, aware that we're witnessing more than just a game; we're observing them acquire invaluable lessons that will last a lifetime. Even though I've resisted it and sometimes question why we do this, I know deep down that we will miss it when it's over.